Post-Marriage

The first two nights after the ceremonies always come with anxiety and apprehension from the two families then and now, the anxiety from the bride’s side is more, because of the virginity test. The issue is, will their daughter pass or fail the virginity test. If the bride does, she gets gifts of high value from both families and a symbolic message of white cloth with blood (Ipon/Eje) is sent to her family, which is received with joy. But, on the other hand, if the bride fails, a euphemistic message of (half boiled/roasted yam) is sent to the bride’s family; which means lost-of-virginity-before-first-night. And for life the bride will live with the shame that comes with the first night-incident in her matrimonial home.

As days roll into weeks, months, families expect the bride to be pregnant, should it happen, pre-natal cares start immediately- this is provided by mothers-in-law from both sides through neo-natal, even and beyond.

Child weaning is between two and three years. A male child is weaned for three years, and female for two years; if a wife has twins (Ibeji) the weaning period will be longer. Nursing mother gives a-year-and-half exclusive breast feeding, in some instances it can be longer, but regular meals will be added to the child’s dietary make up.

Parenting is a thing of joy then and now, although, Yoruba in times past had several family planning techniques; but, it was not part of their social life as we have it today. They believed in having many children, who would help on the farm, and with other family jobs and occupations; for this reason, polygamy was encouraged.

Besides, children were seen as social security and safety net at old age for their parents, the urge back then to have many kids was very strong. Another reason, was to replace the lost ones, especially, when couples suffered many child loss from still-born ,considered to be Abiku (born-to-die).

It was the belief of Yoruba in ancient times that, Abiku child belong to a certain mystic group, or spirit association, who preferred to live with the unseen group, but decided to come to the world on agreed terms, and then make a return as covenanted. George Olusola (in the journal of African Music and popular Culture, 2003) identified three categories of Abiku in Yoruba land:

Yoruba had several ways it handled Abiku phenomenon in times past. However, the view on Abiku concept has changed so much with the introduction of Christianity, Islam; more important, superior knowledge from medical sciences- a revolution, that has transformed and changed our life for better. It is now known that most of the past infant mortalities were because of: